Shovel and Top Hat

The mules and I camp on a lot of people’s lawns. What to do about the manure? Out here in the Sand Hills of Nebraska, mule manure on a lawn is dispensed with a boot kick. Or, as I recently did, with an old shovel.

Shovel and top hat. No, I don’t carry a shovel around on my pack saddle. It was loaned to me so I could clean up after my mules. That’s my collapsible canvas water bucket hanging from the shovel.

I like this photo. It makes me wish I played in a band so I could cut a record and call it “Shovel and Top Hat”. I’d use this photo for the album cover.

The album would be about me striking off with a mule to make my fortune. I start off panning for gold but get hurt in a dynamite explosion and end up working in Madame Woo’s saloon, as a rough neck and finally repairing wind mills. The wind engine gig goes sour and I give it one more go sexing chickens. That’s where it all turns around for me.

I think 9 tracks could capture the sentiment.

While I’m dreaming, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers would back be my backing band and Jeff Lynne of “ELO” would produce the album. But Tom’s dead and I don’t know Jeff and besides I don’t play the guitar. Or sing.

It was just a borrowed shovel anyway. I gave it back and with that my dream of “Shovel and Top Hat” faded away.

2 Responses to Shovel and Top Hat

  • Oh Bernie sir I think you just made the good start on the lyrics. I have a friend I can send them to if you give permission. Love your stories.

    • Janet. Have at it. My agents (mules Brick and Cracker) propose a writing credit and royalty split. Let me know when we’re needed in the studio! Bernie and the Mule Breakers / Hyannis, Nebraska

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