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The Top Hat Mystery

Published October 13, 2019

I, Bernie Harberts, did not use generative AI to write or illustrate this article. Spell check and grammar check, yes. AI, no.

It fit my head when I got married. It fit my hat when I rode out the front gate. It doesn’t fit my hat any more. What the hell’s going on with my top hat?

Mule Cracker inspecting Bernie Harberts stitching repairs on water jug denim cover with top hat nearby on mule journey — Cracker, my top hat and me: here Cracker is inspecting my stitching as I repair the denim cover to one of my water jugs. This photo was taken 8 states ago, back when my top hat fit better.

Some Top Hat History

The mules and I travel light. There’s very little we carry that’s not essential: a few pounds of food, one pair of spare pants and not much more.

Okay, there is one non-essential piece of gear I’m carrying. It’s the top hat I got married in.

Bernie Harberts and Julia Carpenter at their wedding with Bernie wearing the top hat he later carried on his mule journey — Gettin’ hitched. Julia and I at our wedding moments after we exchanged vows. Behind us our dear friend Keith Smith of TownDock.net. On my head, the top hat in question.

For psychological reasons I don’t need to pay a head shrink $100 to solve, I brought my top hat on my current mule ramble. Moments before I rode out the front gate and headed West for the summer, I strapped it to the top of my pack saddle. It has ridden there ever since – over the Smokey Mountains, across the Great Plains and through the first Rocky Mountain snows.

A Brief Top Hat History

I bought my top hat in February 2019. Here is how it spent the next 6 months on my Mules West ramble.

Bernie Harberts riding out front gate on first day of Mules West ramble from Caldwell County North Carolina with top hat on pack saddle — April 6, 2019: heading out the front gate on the first day of our Mules West ramble (Caldwell County, North Carolina)

Bernie Harberts wedding top hat riding atop pack saddle with road goggles found in Tennessee — The top hat riding in its default position – atop my pack saddle. I found the goggles on the side of the road in Tennessee.

Bernie Harberts using top hat as water bucket for thirsty mule on cross-country mule journey — My top hat has served as a water bucket for…

Mule drinking water from Bernie Harberts top hat used as impromptu bucket on mule journey — …a thirsty mule.

Bernie Harberts top hat crushed and damaged after being thrown from mule Cracker in Kentucky — It’s been wrecked in Kentucky and..

Bernie Harberts wearing snow covered top hat on mule in Idaho winter storm — …. and snowed on in Idaho.

Dave Vories wearing Bernie Harberts wedding top hat outside Vincennes Indiana during mule journey — It even made a guest appearance on Dave Vories’ head. (outside Vincennes, Indiana)

Bernie Harberts wearing top hat to mark crossing a state line on Two Mules to Triumph mule journey — I’ve worn it to cross state lines.

Bernie Harberts top hat filled with Easter eggs at Ryan and Pam Crick's farm in Mosheim Tennessee — It’s stored Easter eggs.

Bernie Harberts wearing top hat while fueling up at gas station during cross-country mule journey — I’ve even worn it to fuel the mules.

And Then It Stopped Fitting

Some days I wear my top hat. Most days I don’t. Lately, I’ve noticed it doesn’t fit my head so well anymore. It’s taken on a front-to-back stretch I can’t explain.

It’s like some man with a skull much longer and skinnier than mine has been wearing my top hat while I’m not looking.

But that can’t be because I’m traveling alone. Maybe what’s stretching it is the way it gets strapped on top of my bedroll every day. Maybe it’s the scorching it got this summer. Or the rain and snow that beat the shape out of a hat meant for the high life, not high adventure.

Bernie Harberts top hat soaked by winter rain and snow on mule journey losing its shape — Another winter soaking.

Whatever’s deforming my top hat remains a mystery to me. And I need to solve it soon.

In a week or two, I hope to ride in to Hailey Idaho, final destination of my Mules West ramble. It would be a shame to slap my top hat on my head and miss the final moments because I passed out due to lack of blood flow to the brain.

More on the North Carolina to Idaho ride.

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3 Responses to The Top Hat Mystery

Pingback: Top Hat Mystery Solved - RiverEarth.com
Greg Boyer on October 13, 2019 at 7:02 pm

What a pleasure to meet you. Wish you the best of luck with your travels. If I ever make it back to North Carolina I’ll try and look you up…..if your home ;0)

Best Regards

Reply
- Bernie on October 14, 2019 at 2:54 pm
  
  Hi Greg. Great catching up with you. Sorry I didn’t have more time to visit. The mules were ready to scrub me off on that tree and settle down to some serious grazing! They sure are enjoying their day off (and bag of oats) at the Arco rodeo arena. Have a great week! Bernie
  
  Reply